Alan Plevy Recognized by Washingtonian in ‘Top Lawyers’ 2017

Mount Kilimanjaro, 2008

SmolenPlevy is pleased to announce Alan Plevy was selected by Washingtonian for its 2017 ‘Top Lawyers’ list in divorce and family law.

The award listing is compiled by Washingtonian’s editorial staff who completes a comprehensive research process and surveys nearly 1,000 attorneys to determine which lawyers should be included on this year’s list. The ‘Top Lawyers’ list is published biennially and recognizes an elite group of Washington, D.C.’s legal talent from 20 select practice areas.

Divorce and Holidays: How to Help the Kids

As seen on Child Mind Institute:

At holiday time we’re inundated with media images of happy families experiencing the holidays together. But the truth is that about 50% of marriages end in divorce; and of the ones that are intact, at least some of them are unhappy. So if those holiday images were more accurate, they’d reflect families that are struggling. In deference to reality, then, here’s some advice for all the families in which the parents don’t get along. You don’t have to be divorced to benefit. You just have to be unhappy with your child’s other parent.

Concept I: Because parents are adults, they need to make sacrifices for their children. And because children are children, they shouldn’t have to make sacrifices for their parents. Think of sacrifices for the benefit of your children as holiday presents.

Present Suggestion No. 1: Be more compromising than you’ve ever been. Give up what you might want or need, and don’t tell the children you’re doing it. Make them think the world is just a good place. So, in the future, they have the confidence to persist at tasks in the face of life’s inevitable obstacles.

Concept II: What’s best for children is not placing them in a loyalty bind, so they don’t have to feel guilty about loving either of their parents. So instead of thinking about how wonderful it would be for you, and your extended family, to have the kids for the holidays, you have to think about what’s going to be best for the kids. And the data here are very clear. The thing that’s best for the kids is to not have the parents fighting with each other. So whatever you can do to avoid a fight is what you should do.

Present Suggestion No. 2: If, as parents, you’re fighting over the specifics of the visitation schedule, one of you might just have to say, “Okay, fine, you can have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day this year, and I’ll make it up next year, because I don’t want to put the kids in the middle of a dispute.” That’s holiday giving. (Plus, you can always consult with your lawyer in January, when things are less hectic.)

Present Suggestion No. 3: Another thing you can do for the kids is to collaborate with your former (or soon to be former) spouse about presents, so there isn’t a competition between you over who gives the best gifts. And please don’t undermine the other parent. If he or she says, “The kids aren’t allowed to have this,” don’t you dare buy it. Be an adult.

Present Suggestion No. 4: To really let your children know that the holidays are about them, each of you should encourage and help them to buy a present or make a card for their other parent. This sends the message that the divorce really was between the adults, and that each parent really, truly wants the children to have a healthy relationship with the other.

FAQ No. 1: Should I, for the sake of the kids, try to celebrate the holidays with my ex?

It works for some couples, but only those who have relatively comfortable, low-conflict divorces. High-tension situations should be avoided, however, which means that if there’s a lot of animosity, don’t pretend there isn’t. That will just confuse your kids—or even worse, if things don’t go well, expose them to conflict. If parents still hate each other, they should definitely celebrate separately.

FAQ No. 2: What about the extended family?

Your parents need to understand that the children are in a difficult situation, caught between two families. If the children want to be with one set of grandparents because they rarely get to see them, the other set shouldn’t take it personally. This isn’t a competition over which parent (or grandparent) the kids love the most—it’s about which parent (or grandparent) most loves the kids. Who is going to make the most sacrifices for the well-being of the children?

FAQ No. 3: Should I ask the kids who they want to spend the holidays with?

If the kids are teenagers that’s probably a good idea, but for kids younger than 12, I think it’s easier on them if you make the decisions.

How you divide up the holidays depends on the age of the kids. Before children are 4 or 5 years old, what they’re going to primarily respond to is the emotional tone of the situation, so what matters is what feels fair, to them and both parents. Kids from 5 to 10 or 12 are pretty literal, so they might be most comfortable spending equal amounts of time with each parent. By the time kids are teenagers, they’re able to think about what’s best in a much broader, more abstract way, and they’re more capable of making their own decisions (not all the time, but most of the time).

So you could think of it this way: For the youngest kids you want to do what feels right, for the next older group of kids you want to do what appears right, and for teenagers you want to do what is right.

SmolenPlevy Recognized Among 2018 ‘Best Law Firms’ by U.S. News & World Report

SmolenPlevy is honored to announce the firm’s inclusion once again in the 2018 “Best Law Firms” ranking published by U.S. News & World Report and Best Lawyers. SmolenPlevy is recognized for its outstanding work in the areas of family law, family law mediation, business organizations, and trusts and estates.

The “Best Law Firms” ranking complements the 2018 edition of “The Best Lawyers in America,” where four attorneys, Jason Smolen, Alan Plevy, Daniel Ruttenberg and Kathryn Dickerson, are recognized. Jason Smolen is honored as Best Lawyers® 2018 Business Organizations “Lawyer of the Year” for Washington, D.C.

The U.S. News & World Report – Best Lawyers 2018 Best Law Firms rankings are based on a rigorous evaluation process that includes the collection of client and lawyer evaluations, peer review from leading attorneys in their field, and review of additional information provided by law firms as part of the formal submission process.

IN THE MEDIA: SmolenPlevy Principals On Air to Discuss Sharing Your Child’s Expenses After Divorce

It’s back-to-school season, and for divorced or separated parents, the question is: Who is paying for the expensive TI-84 calculator their child needs for class? Alan Plevy is featured on WTOP and Mandy Walker’s popular Since My Divorce blog to weigh in on what is covered with child support and how parents can decide who will pay for out-of-pocket expenses. Kyung (Kathryn) Dickerson shares her own insights on these complex family law issues on WUSA 9’s Great Day Washington.

Child support doesn’t cover the costly tab of #2 pencils, paper, clothes and computers, which runs on average about $600 per child, adding more stress to what can already be a tense situation between parents. Plevy says cooperation goes a long way to helping exes–and their children handle back-to-school season.

Plevy says there are typically two ways parents can decide to handle back-to-school expenses: Split the expenses down the middle, or use the same income ratios often used for reimbursement for medical expenses. “For instance, one parent may have 66 percent of the income, so one parent pays 66 percent of the cost, and the other pays 33 percent of the cost.”

For divorced or separated parents struggling to provide normalcy for their children, “This actually forces the parents to come together and try to talk about these expenses,” Plevy said. “Sometimes they’re able to do it, sometimes they’re not, but if they’re not it’s really the children who suffer.”

Listen to Alan Plevy on WTOP Radio and on the popular podcast Since My Divorce:

Watch Kathryn Dickerson on WUSA 9’s Great Day Washington: 

 

SmolenPlevy Principals Listed in The Best Lawyers in America© 2018

SmolenPlevy is pleased to announce Principals Jason Smolen, Alan Plevy, Daniel Ruttenberg and Kyung (Kathryn) Dickerson are named in the 24th edition of The Best Lawyers in America© for 2018. Co-Founding Principal Jason Smolen is also honored as the Best Lawyers® 2018 Business Organizations “Lawyer of the Year” in Washington, D.C. Smolen, Plevy, Ruttenberg and Dickerson were selected for this honor by other leading lawyers from the Washington, D.C. area in the specialties of business organizations, family law, family law mediation, and trusts and estates.

Best Lawyers® is the oldest peer-review publication in the legal profession. It recognizes attorneys in 145 practice areas from all 50 states and the District of Columbia. For each location and specialty, the individual attorneys with the highest peer-reviews are recognized as “Lawyer of the Year.”

SmolenPlevy Attorneys Named ‘Top 100’ by Virginia Super Lawyers

SmolenPlevy is pleased to announce that Principals Alan Plevy and Kyung (Kathryn) Dickerson are recognized as Top 100 Virginia Super Lawyers in 2017. Ms. Dickerson is also included in the Top 50 Virginia Women Super Lawyers list. Fewer than five percent of attorneys in Virginia receive both honors. This is the third time since 2014 that Ms. Dickerson has received both awards.

Super Lawyers is a rating of outstanding lawyers, who have attained a high degree of peer recognition and professional achievement. The annual selections are made through a multiphase process that includes a statewide survey of lawyers, an independent evaluation of candidates and peer reviews by each practice area. The survey covers more than 70 practice areas.

On Air: WTOP Interviews Alan Plevy About Navigating Divorce During the Holidays

Divorce is difficult for children and their parents any time of the year, but the holidays can be particularly challenging. News radio WTOP turns to SmolenPlevy Co-founding Principal Alan Plevy for insights on how divorced or separated parents can reduce tension levels during the season.

Plevy says parents should keep the lines of communication open and try to work out details about times and days the children will spend with each parent.It’s important to put these agreements in writing, either by email or texts, so there are no misunderstandings. Another helpful tip: don’t get into a “can-you-top-this” gift battle. Plevy also suggests parents create new holiday traditions, such as volunteering at a homeless shelter, going ice skating or making reservations at one of their favorite restaurants. And finally, Plevy says pay special attention to how you, family members, and friends talk publicly about the other parent.

Plevy explains that “It’s really a holiday for the children, so we want to eliminate as much stress as possible for the children.”

Listen to Plevy on WTOP Radio below:

 

The Huffington Post: Tips to Survive the Holidays for Divorced Parents

sphuffposttipstosurvivetheholidaysfordivorcedparents

As seen on The Huffington Post by Alan Plevy and Kyung (Kathryn) Dickerson.

Divorce is difficult for children and their parents at any time of the year, but it can be particularly challenging during the holidays. There are a number of issues that can arise, including:

  • coordinating when and where the children are supposed to be,
  • the gift giving tug-of-war, where the parents try to outdo each other by giving the most expensive present, or try to make life difficult for the other parent by giving particularly annoying gifts, and
  • the termination or modification of established family holiday traditions.

The uncertainty and stress of being in a separated family or a divorced family can cause disagreements to quickly escalate into arguments, making this an overwhelming and stressful period for both parents and children. However, there are some things that you can do as a parent to make things easier during the holiday season.

Put your children first: Holidays when the parents aren’t together can be difficult for children, especially right after the initial separation. There is often a mixture of negative emotions: sadness, anger and disappointment. Make sure you listen to your children’s concerns and let them know that it is okay to have this mixture of emotions. Don’t forget that the holidays are supposed to be a fun, festive time for your children, so consider how constant tension and repeated arguments will impact them and try to lessen their exposure.

Plan ahead: To avoid confusion, uncertainty and arguments, parents need to create a logistical plan ahead of time that specifies when and where the children will be. Don’t make the mistake of waiting until the last minute to decide where the children will be and for how long the children will be with which parent. Make sure you confirm plans in writing, whether via email or otherwise so that both parents have a record of your agreements. Having written plans helps avoid misunderstandings. Also, don’t forget to keep your children updated on where they will go and when. It helps alleviate anxiety for children when they know that together their parents have come up with a plan for them during the holidays.

Avoid a gifting competition: Unfortunately, parents, particularly newly separated parents, can get into a gift giving war. It is not uncommon for one parent to give gifts that they know the children want without consulting the other parent or knowing that the other parent explicitly disagrees with the gift. This includes electronics like iPhones and iPads that one parent thinks is not age appropriate for the child. In other circumstances, parents try to compensate for any stress and anxiety children may be feeling as a result of the recent separation of the family by showering them with presents, well in excess of what they would have otherwise given if the family were intact. The best gift for your children is to avoid these competitions, because they not only cause strain between the parents, but also cause anxiety to the children. While the child might be initially thrilled to receive a pet, if they can’t take that pet to the other parent’s house then the gift ultimately causes them to feel stress, anxiety and disappointment. Sometimes, the gifts cause children to feel like a pawn in their parents’ battle – this is especially true for electronics, where one parent uses the child and the electronic device to “spy” on the other parent’s home. If it is at all possible, coordinate with the other parent so that the gifts are given from the parents jointly – despite the parents living in different households – this will give the children a sense of comfort that is a gift beyond a typical present.

Create new traditions: The holidays are usually a time for family traditions, but for divorced or recently separated parents, it might be time to start new ones. Holiday traditions can make the season special for children and establishing traditions where they focus on the needs of those less fortunate than themselves can ease the disappointment and anxiety that accompanies the breakup of their family. Also, creating new traditions gives the children something to look forward to in the years to come, and eases the loss of other established traditions.

Give yourself a gift: It is common for a divorced or newly separated parent to feel sad, alone and stressed during the holidays. Occasionally, because of the established visitation schedule, a parent might find themselves having more free time than in previous years or not having their child with them on the day of the holiday. While the children are learning to adapt to the established structure, you should as well. Therefore, use this time to do something special or to create a new tradition for yourself. By taking action to alleviate stress, you will give yourself the time to recharge and be at your best during the time that you have your children for the holidays.

 

Northern Virginia Magazine Recognizes SmolenPlevy Attorneys as ‘Top Lawyers’

northernvirginiagraphic

Northern Virginia Magazine names SmolenPlevy principals Jason Smolen, Alan Plevy, Daniel Ruttenberg and Kyung (Kathryn) Dickerson to its ‘Top Lawyers’ list for 2016. Nominated by their peers, the award recognizes SmolenPlevy for its excellence in the areas of family law, business organization, and trusts and estates.

Smolen, Plevy, Ruttenberg and Dickerson have previously been named ‘Top Lawyers’ by Northern Virginia Magazine in 2010, 2013 and 2015.

SmolenPlevy Named to 2017 “Best Law Firms”

smolenplevygraphicbestlawfirm

SmolenPlevy is honored to announce the firm’s inclusion in the 2017 “Best Law Firms” list, published by U.S. News & World Report and Best Lawyers. SmolenPlevy is recognized for its outstanding work in the areas of family law, business organizations, and trusts and estates. Firms included in “Best Law Firms” are honored for professional excellence with persistently impressive ratings from clients and peers.

The “Best Law Firms” ranking complements the 2017 edition of “The Best Lawyers in America,” where Jason Smolen, Alan Plevy and Daniel Ruttenberg are recognized. Jason Smolen is honored as Best Lawyers® 2017 Business Organizations “Lawyer of the Year” for Washington, D.C., and Alan Plevy and Dan Ruttenberg are named in the Best Lawyers® 2017.

The U.S. News & World Report – Best Lawyers 2017 Best Law Firms rankings are based on an evaluation process that includes the collection of client and lawyer evaluations, peer review from attorneys in the field, and review of additional information provided by law firms as part of the formal submission process.