Divorce can be hard on children, so instead of jumping into the pool or enjoying other favorite summertime activities, don’t be surprised if they retreat into their screens. Smartphones and tablets can serve as an escape from family stress and a gateway to games and virtual worlds where their parents’ problems can’t touch them.
As a separated or divorcing parent, however, you might be tempted to say something like, “Hey kids, it’s summer. Get outside and enjoy the warm weather. Stop staring at those screens so much!”
Unless you’re the parent who wants to woo the kids to your side. You want to be the cool one, so you throw discipline out the window and let them stare at those screens as long as they want.
Reality check: Neither extreme is wise. As separated parents, it’s not uncommon to have differing views on how much screen time is acceptable for your children. These inconsistent viewpoints can lead to disputes about overall parenting, and is confusing for the children as well. When children of divorced parents are taken back and forth to different homes with different rules, it can be difficult to know what rules to follow and when. Above all else, children want to feel as though they are still heard and their opinions still count, especially in a time when much of their life feels out of their control.
Co-Parenting Tips for Setting Screen Time Rules
Solution: Both co-parents need to reach a consensus on issues like screen time, to take pressure off of the child and to give them consistency about how they are supposed to behave. Here are some tips to help navigate this difficult topic:
Discuss Routines
Sharing custody can be difficult. Each parent has his or her own rules and plans for their children. Laying all expectations out on the table is not only beneficial for the parents, but the children as well. Talk with your co-parent about the routines you’d like to see your kids observe. Understand that each household needs to observe similar rules for the children to be able to thrive in both environments.
Set Limits
Setting uniform boundaries avoids one parent looking like the “tough parent” while the other is seen as the “fun parent.” Children need limits, boundaries, and patterns that give their life stability while also teaching them healthy behaviors. One parent may think the best option is no screen time at all, while the other parent may not feel the same way. Setting an overall limit on screen time allows parents to meet in the middle, while still giving both parents the flexibility to modify their decisions when necessary.
Maintain Communication
Divorce causes trauma for parents and children alike. During this difficult transition, understand that your child is also experiencing loss and hardship. Maintain an open path of communication with the other parent and your kids. Creating room for open conversation will also make finding common ground easier on issues that go far beyond screen time. Be open to discussion, open to reason, and open to common-sense solutions to problems big and small.
Focus on the Big Picture
Screen time is just one of many topics that can cause conflict and aggravate deeper issues within the family. Finding common ground in co-parenting can prove very difficult, but focus on what’s best for your kids. You don’t want this divorce to impact your children or their future relationships. You want them to be able to move forward and have healthy relationships with everyone in the family. Your and your co-parent’s behavior today will determine which of those outcomes your children experience.
