Do you feel like that emoji with the top of its head exploding in a mushroom cloud? Does it feel like you made the decision to leave your spouse years ago, only to realize it was just after the holidays? And then, BOOM, just when you were going to start getting ready, you were confined in self quarantine. No work, no play, no meeting with friends. Just you and your spouse trapped together. With or without children, it hasn’t been easy. The world has changed and your finances have changed as well. Now where do you go and how do you escape? Well, isn’t that what you were looking for back in January; change. Do you still deserve more love than your spouse is able to give you? The questions you are asking yourself now are the same questions you had to ask before. The planning you have to do now is the same planning you had to do before.
Are you in fear?
If there is any history of family, spousal or child abuse, (and even if there isn’t) change your passwords on your phone, your computer or other communication devices. This will provide you with some security so you can talk with friends, family, a therapist and your lawyer. If you fear for your safety, always have your phone with you. If there is an event happening that causes concern for your safety or that of your children, call 911. You have the right to be and feel safe. Think about where you could go if you had to leave the house on short notice. Make plans, so that in the heat of the moment, you can take a deep breath and tell yourself, “I’ve thought this out already.” Have a “Go Bag” ready. Put some toiletries and clothes in it, and as you’re leaving, put your portable valuables and your personal computer or tablet (if you have one) into it. It never fails that cash, jewelry, watches, or gold coins somehow disappear when a separation occurs. I am not saying you should hide it. I am saying you should preserve it.
Are you prepared?
In every marriage, one person usually handles the finances, that’s fine, but it doesn’t mean the other person should be out of the loop. I have represented a woman on maternity leave who answered the door holding her newborn to find out that the marital home was going to be sold at foreclosure, and a husband who found out that his wife’s retirement financed all those shopping trips that he never questioned. People end up spending a lot of money because they didn’t know the simplest facts about marital finances. It’s free to check your credit rating, so do that ASAP. Find out the name of the mortgage company, if your car payment is being made on time, and most importantly, how much credit card debt you have. It is never a surprise for me to find out there is more debt or more credit cards than my client knew about. If you and your spouse have retirement plans or IRA’s, find and review the yearly or quarterly statements. These reports can show you the total value, the contributions that were made––and critically, if any loans have been taken from the plan. If you had any financial assets before the marriage or you received an inheritance during the marriage––save the records, whether they’re digital or paper, they can be worth thousands of dollars. Preserve financial records in a safe place.
Were promises made?
“We can work this out.” “It’s simple.” “I will take care of you.” Unless you are a practicing divorce lawyer, you are not qualified to negotiate with your spouse. Nor do you know the intricacies of custody, child support, alimony, separate property or retirement division. Speak with a knowledgeable lawyer that works in this area of the law full time. I spoke with somebody the other day who was advised to pay child support to age 23 because he wanted to contribute to his child’s college education. It turns out that child dropped out of college, refuses to work and “chills,” but this parent is still paying child support. They shouldn’t be. A promise is only as good as the paper it is written on and still only as good as it is written. Talk to a lawyer, find out your rights and preserve your future by making wise decisions now.
