With the joys of the Holidays, baking, and gift wrapping often comes the stressors of money, family, and relationships. It is not uncommon for the end of the year to bring large emotions out of us – especially with the new year looming around the corner.
You may be certain that your marriage is over, and the idea of spending another forced smile season with your spouse and extended family can sound daunting, but so can your first holiday alone. SmolenPlevy Principals Alan Plevy and Kyung (Kathryn) Dickerson explore the pros and cons of separating before or after the holiday season.
Pre-holiday separation
If you’re dreading spending another holiday with your spouse (and possibly your in-laws), separating before the season even begins may sound like the best bet. The process will not be prolonged, and you can begin your fresh start sooner. Plus, you also won’t feel obligated to give and receive awkward gifts.
This may be an agreeable option between the both of you, but it could hurt those involved. “The most wonderful time of the year” may be forever jaded for your kids, as they experience what could be the largest adjustment of their childhood. “Separate plans may add additional stress for you as you grieve yourself,” explains Principal Alan Plevy. “Who will have the kids in the morning? The evening? How do we split the days? These are all factors that may seem overwhelming and can cause a lot of stress and confusion.” For extended family, the season of love and giving could be tarnished with the pain of a separation in the family.
Post-holiday separation
Waiting to start the divorce process until after the holidays can help others, but is it right for you? Keeping up appearances is taxing and can even feel fake. It may be right for you to complete the process earlier rather than later. If you and your spouse are not on amicable terms, the tension could hurt everyone involved. Principal Kyung (Kathryn) Dickerson notes, “It is important to remember that you know your situation better than anyone else. Sometimes doing what is best for you, when it is best for you, can actually allow you to be more available for everyone else in your life.”
On the flip side, one last holiday as a family unit can be the closure all members need. This includes you. While you may feel ready, the reality of spending that usual family time alone can be intimidating. The holiday spirit can be preserved, but the divorce will be drawn out. Who knows, maybe you’re just too busy during December to connect with your lawyer and gather your paperwork.
These are delicate matters, and each case is very individual. It’s often not a matter of if, but when. Timing is crucial, and we understand that. Contact Alan Plevy or Kyung (Kathryn) Dickerson to discuss the best separation plan for you and your family.
About the Authors
Alan Plevy
Alan Plevy is a recognized force in family law, mediation and litigation, with more than 40 years as one of the most experienced divorce lawyers in Virginia. Mr. Plevy is known for being a tenacious litigator and negotiator who is zealously devoted to his clients. A top legal publication, Virginia Lawyer Weekly, noted Mr. Plevy’s impact on the law when it named two cases he litigated among its Top Five Landmark Family Law Cases in Virginia. Those two cases, which date back to the 1980s, are still regularly cited by attorneys and courts.
Kyung (Kathryn) Dickerson
Kyung (Kathryn) Dickerson is a principal at SmolenPlevy in Vienna, Virginia. She is a graduate of the University of Virginia and George Mason University School of Law, where she served on the Board of Editors for the Journal of International Legal Studies. Ms. Dickerson is also presently General Counsel for the Asian Pacific American Bar Association of Virginia and has served as President of the organization and on its Board of Directors. She has also served on the Board of Directors of the Virginia Women Attorneys Association and served as its President. She has served on numerous committees of the Fairfax Bar Association and as President of its Young Lawyers Section and as Co-Chair of the Revenue Development Committee.
